unexpected

Wow this is something I was surprised to see. I thought this account is dead, but I managed to log in!

I went over my previous entries and saw what a miserable dipstick I was. Now? I'm an angry dipstick. Anyway, life has a way of interfering in what you want to do and makes you forget what is important.

What had happened to me for the past years since I logged in here? Nothing much, changed jobs, returned to the same company I crassly abandoned (which I will never do again but would need to look for the chance to quit for the second time), got operated on, which would leave me having a small chance of having children in the future, am currently sick with a disorder that screws up the body processes, and would undergo therapy a week from now to reduce the size of the master organ (the thyroid in case you were wondering).

What have I learned? That you learn things the hard way, that fear is stopping you from making a decision and sticking with it, that anger is still there although now much controlled, that I have become sadistic and is more than capable of driving my superiors crazy (at least with my current boss), that I am still naive believing that there would be changes for the better at work (which ended up being stuck in a vicious cycle), that life sucks but it has its beauty, that we need to set a goal for ourselves to grow and we only live once make the most out of it.

As for love well still waiting and looking. The last guy I fell for is sicker than I am and prefers girls 10 years younger than him and the latest was a married guy who is one helluva know-it-all. No wonder there are times I snap his head off. But he's a good man, yet married. That alone is more than enough for me to back off, it was just a shallow feeling anyway and that is a relief.

2008 is a year of realizations for me: I'm a survivor.